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For The Broken


For the Broken,
who have been broken
by life and by people.

For the Broken,
who have gone through
more than they can bear.

For the Broken,
who want to give up
and end it all.

For the Broken,
please hang in there.
You are not alone.

Fragmented Shadows




You might feel like what you’re going through is impossible to get through… but PLEASE believe me when I say that THINGS DO GET BETTER… you do get STRONGER… and most of all, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.




Voices Inside My Head

I fight with voices inside my head
One voice so hard and mean
Screaming at me
Angry at the people around me
One voice hurting so bad
Crying and begging to be loved
But wallowing in pain
Both wanting life to end
Then there’s my voice
Trying so much to understand
So confused
Don’t know what to believe
I block my ears so I can’t hear them
But they’re inside my head…


Reality Shatters

Reality shatters
A stained glass window
Everything you know
Lying there in pieces
Now forming a mess
And a pattern
You do not know
And as you go through
Piece by piece
Trying to put it back together
It cuts you
And the blood flows
Dripping onto the glass
Hiding the pieces
Of a beautiful picture
That once was…

I Fell In Love With A Mask


To all those who have been
fooled, disappointed and broken…
All because of the masks
That people wear.

I’ve been there.
But for my heart’s sake
I will NEVER
Fall in love with a mask

My only lingering questions are:
Why do people need to wear masks?
What’s wrong with being you?
Why do you play games?
Mess with peoples minds?
Speak empty words only to hurt others?
Is it because you are hurt deep down inside too?
Or do you just simply like to play the game?

Out Of Stock

Leviathan Walks



While nightmares are filled with things that go bump in the night, reality cruelly grasps you as you suffocate from the scaly claws grasping firmly around your neck, squeezing tighter and tighter. Indescribable fear paralyzes you, haunted by the thoughts wondering if the last thing you will ever see are the deathly evil eyes piercing into the depths of your soul and the echoing eerie sounds hypnotizing your blood to turn cold…

You are one decision away from a totally different life.
~ Mark Batterson

This saying could not have been any more correct from the horrible decisions I had made, one after the other, with each one spiraling me into worsened situations. Ultimately, each of my decisions could have ended my life, without me knowing it.

This is my four year life journey of betrayal, trauma, turmoil, life and death, weird and the bizarre, and the impossible made possible!

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Me & Myselves



If you have grown up one way all your life and have never known anything different, you automatically think that’s how life is for everyone. I did not know that many things that happened throughout my life were actually not considered “normal”. A few years ago I was diagnosed with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). This is not “normal”… or is it?….



That’s how I feel ALL the time. Often, I feel like I should write a book so people can actually really and truly understand me. Maybe one day. But would that even help at all? People always automatically assume everyone is the same… but I’m not everyone. I’m not the same. So, for now… I will write this… I’ll give you a glimpse… This is me….

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The Armor Of God



A lot of you that read this will have been through similar and even worse situations. For others who have not experienced these things, there may be moments where it will be overwhelming and even sometimes sound “far-fetched”. I am not trying to make you believe anything. I am simply sharing what has happened in my life. To all who read this, I hope you find comfort in the fact that you are not alone in your pain and that…

No matter who you are;
No matter what you’ve done;
No matter what you’re going through;
Even if you feel alone, abandoned and rejected;
Even if you feel worthless;
Even if you feel confused and messed up;
Even if you feel misunderstood;
Even if you feel insecure and vulnerable;

And even if you feel you need to end it all because you can’t carry on…


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The Puppet Master



“Narcissists will destroy your life and erode your self-esteem and do it with such stealth as to make you feel as YOU are the bad one.”

“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim in all aspects…”

Having lived a life in a home with a Narcissist parent, and encountering an endless stream of Narcissist friends and people in my life, I’ve learnt constant repetitive and predictable traits, trade marks and tricks they deal out in manipulating people. How do you deal with them? Run! But if you’re stuck… I can at least reassure you that you are not losing your mind and how to counteract their tactics and tricks.

Out Of Stock




Standing on the edge of one of the tallest buildings in New York. Staring at the blue city lights. Beautiful but hopeless. Empty. Meaningless. How could a world full of people, not notice my pain. How did I get here? You don’t just suddenly “want to end it all” because of once incident… it comes from living a life full of pain that just does not seem to stop… I can’t handle it anymore. The emptiness. The loneliness. The pain swallowing you up, suffocating the very air you breathe. No one is even around to notice that I’m standing here. I have passed a thousand faces and not one stopped to ask why there are tears streaming down my face. If I jump… when I jump, will anyone even notice my body lying there… cold, dead on the concrete floor… As cold and as hard as the life that I have lived. They would probably just walk around me and not even notice the tears still streaming down my lifeless eyes.

I suddenly wake up, overwhelmed and paralysed. It was as if shifting from one reality into another. It was just a dream. But yet it’s not; it’s my life… my fears, my pain, my past. I lie in my bed, motionless, staring at the wall. The reality of “re-living the pain” all over again consumed me.

Memories raced through my mind. Memories of my life… bouncing back and forth in blurs and blank patches… loud booming voices in my head, screaming to end it all. Am I going crazy? No. This is pain and all I want is out of it. But I don’t want to die. I want someone to listen, someone to care… someone to even to just stop and notice the look in my eyes. But that’s asking the impossible. No one seems to care. Everyone is so consumed within themselves and their own lives. And those that notice prefer to walk on by because “they would rather stay out of it”… avoid it. If they pretend it doesn’t exist, then maybe it won’t exist. But just because you ignore it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. It just means you made it worse. You were just one more person that added to the pain of isolation and desperation for a way out. You became one more reason to make me want to end it all.

My thoughts race faster thinking about the details of my dream. The harsh reality of the pain I felt all over again. I’ve come so far, yet it felt like I was still there. I have remained silent for so many years. I am voiceless. Now I wonder how many more people out there feel exactly the way I do? How many did I pass through the streets and not even notice the pain in their eyes? Am I as guilty as the rest of them? Consumed in my life, my pain, that I don’t even notice that others feel the same. I’ve always felt so alone… yet, I’m not. Deep inside I know there are others out there have lived a life like mine… and many that have lived lives that are far worse. Most end up in suicide. I know; I tried. I failed. I feel like I am stuck in this horrific nightmare that keeps repeating itself over and over again. Trapped in silence. Trapped in pain. Trapped in emptiness. Trapped with so much to say but no one to listen. Trapped, screaming for a way out… yet, I have no voice to be heard. But all I can do is cry… but I cry inside so no one will notice… because no one will care.

I have tried for so long to pretend my life never existed. That I was maybe even delusional. That maybe even if I pretend hard enough, or ignore it enough, it will go away. Then maybe, just maybe, I will “seem normal” just like the other people in this world. Yet through my life, I have met so many like me. I am normal… but not the way the world defines it. I am normal, I am like other people: I am scared, I am scarred, I am alone, I have been abused, I am in pain and I desperately want someone to care. That is normal.

People prefer to dose you up on psychiatric drugs to numb out the problems or send you to mental institutes in order to distance themselves from having to deal with problems… to free their own lives of having to deal with this “burden”. This is the world’s answer. Rather than actually dealing with the pain itself. Rather numb it out, or get rid of this person so they can go on with their own petty selfish lives. It’s easier that way. It’s quicker. It’s selfish. Rather turn them into mindless lifeless robots than fix the problems that caused it… maybe it’s also because they were the ones that helped cause it too.

So how did I get here? How did I end up on the edge of the building? I was about to jump. How did I end up just wanting to give up? Where did it start…