How do you describe a pain,
when there are no words for it?
How do you describe a loss,
when your mind still wages war trying to make you believe it’s not true?
How do you describe the most incredible grandmother that ever existed?
You can’t, because the dictionary simply doesn’t have words that are accurate enough.

Granny…
Every moment of the day,
I think of you.
In the middle of the night,
I wake up wondering if you are okay,
only to cry myself back to sleep again.

Everything reminds me of you.
You are everywhere I go,
yet you are not there too.

Time is supposed to heal wounds,
to make things better,
to make things easier.
Time is a liar.
I know that will never be true when it comes to you.
This pain will be with me forever.
I will never stop missing you.
I will never stop loving you.

What I would give…
I would give anything…
Just to see your smile one more time,
to hold you,
to hear you laugh,
to have our endless discussions that most people do not understand.
It was like our own secret language,
our own world…
With just you and me.

Most of your life,
you went through such difficult times,
but you kept going,
you kept fighting.
No matter how bad it was,
nothing could stop you,
nothing could hold you down.
You kept going,
with a smile on your face
and a cheekines in every laugh…
And admittedly discussions that even had me a little worried because you had such a mischievous sense of humor too.

So many times,
you told me I make you so proud.
So many times,
you spurred me on without even realizing it.
I found myself daily wanting to conquer my own mountains,
just to make you proud over and over again…
I still hear your voice in my mind,
cheering me on,
and with me still wanting to do things that would still make you proud.
I just wish you could be there to see them all.
So much of what I do,
is because you believed in me.
You made me out to be a hero,
but you were and still are the hero.
I just wish I could have told you that.

I know I take after you in many ways,
and that makes me proud…
Proud to be like my granny.

I know you were in more pain than any of us could imagine.
You desperately wanted to go home.
I know you kept fighting for all of us,
only because of us.
You knew we would be lost without you…
We are lost.

You were so tired of fighting,
so worn out by life and everything that was thrown your way,
but now you finally got to go home.
Now Heaven holds it’s greatest treasure,
and it’s most beautiful angel.
I hope they realize just how lucky they are.

I will never stop missing you.
You are on my mind always.
I will never stop hurting,
but to keep you here is selfish.
You deserve the happiness that you gave to every one of us.
I know I will be counting the seconds, as each minute, hour, day, month and year passes,
until I finally get to see you again,
and to hold you in my arms…
Except this time,
I will never let you go,
because being without you is unbearable beyond words.

There are no words I could ever use when it comes to describing you,
and no words to explain just how broken I feel inside.
But at least you’re finally free now.
No more pain,
no more suffering.
You’re completely free now.

You’re dancing in Heaven with your brother and all the loved ones you have missed so dearly.
And I know that occasionally you will still remind us that you are close by too…
Dancing in my fairy garden,
shining as the brightest star in the sky,
and flying in the clouds as free as ever.

I wish I could have given you the world,
I would have done anything for you,
anything.
But all you really wanted was to be free.
I said I would give anything,
so I have to let you be free,
no matter how badly it hurts.

I love you Granny,
more than you could ever realize.

There are no words,
not when it comes to decribing you,
not when it comes to trying to explain that you mean the world to me.
I am lost without you,
so unbelievably lost…
But one day I’ll also be able to find my way to you,
to see you again,
and to see you forever.

I love you Granny,
more than you could ever realize.
And this time,
when we meet again,
I’ll never have to say goodbye…
Never ever again.

I will hold you in my heart forever,
until I can finally hold you in my arms again…
And I will never ever let you go.