It’s now just past 1am and I am glad to finally say that Leviathan Walks is ready for its re-release!
In editing the last 10 or so chapters, I must admit, I found myself constantly repeating to myself, “Wow, what a messed up life I’ve lived!!!” … “How on earth am I still alive???” … “What on earth haven’t I experienced in life yet???” Believe me, I truly mean those questions when I ask them to myself! And yet, I am only referring to the 4 year time period written about in that book too. I haven’t even included the other 33 years of my life in that statement because, simply, it honestly just validates and solidifies those questions even more! The 4 years I wrote about in Leviathan Walks is honestly the LIGHTER side of the drama and trauma that I’ve been through in my life as well. How can one person still be standing after all of that? I honestly don’t know, but I am… and yet, I am also standing stronger than I have ever been in my life as well. And what’s more… I am still alive despite the impossible odds!
Going through Leviathan Walks was tiring both mentally and emotionally. Mentally, because, well, rereading and editing is tiring. Emotionally, because of having to remember so many things all over again. I did not once feel angry or depressed in reading the book for once, so perhaps I have passed that part of healing. But I found myself tearing up at some points; honestly holding back tears. That’s the only thing that gets to me now… other than, “Wow, this is messed up” … and “Wow I’m an idiot!” I wanted to cry only because I recalled the broken terrified look in my mother’s eyes when she thought I was dying. That memory is so fresh. That moment is a life changing moment toward the end of those 4 years. And in remembering that look, I also remember the loss of my baby brother, when I was only about 5 years old. I escaped what he could not. The pain of losing him, I think will be one pain that I will never overcome. It’s a scar that runs too deep and for many, many reasons. Losing him molded me into the person I am in so many ways. Ways and reasons I won’t talk about right now.
But what on earth or how on earth could so much happen in just 4 years of my life? How is it possible? And yet, what I have written in the book sounds like a storyline… but the majority of it was happening all at the same time, every day, with new additional things included as time went on as well. It was overwhelming! No wonder I barely survived. No wonder I was losing my mind. No wonder I reached the point of wanting to end my life. And yet, what I have written is still merely a drop in the ocean compared to everything that went on. There was just, simply, way too much to put into one book. It would just be easier to have my life turn into a live TV show!
Manipulation, lies, betrayal, pain, alcohol, drugs, abuse, life and death, suicide, deathly illnesses, the Krugersdorp Killers, DID/MPD, demonic activity, divine encounters with God, weird and “the bizarre”… the list seemingly never ended for those 4 years.
My only hope, with this book, that aside from sharing the disastrous decisions that I had made and devastating scenarios I went through, is that it will continue to give more and more people hope and strength in the situations they face in life. I write only to inspire others, to know that things do get better and you do get stronger at the end of it all, no matter what you are facing. And above all this, to know that God is VERY REAL!
This book is dedicated to all of you who feel like you are facing impossible circumstances; and dedicated to my baby brother, who could not escape the horrifying illness that I managed to escape from, I will forever miss you.
Leviathan Walks will be available online on 11 October 2020, and available in bookshops too!