MASKS

After a lifetime
of being broken by others…
Family, friends and lovers…
I grew wiser each time.

I learnt the tricks of their trade.
I learnt the masks that they wear…
Only to find out each time
that masks come in many different forms.
I thought I had now seen them all.
The depth of
betrayal,
brokenness
and disappointment,
Left me with only two words,
“NEVER AGAIN!”

Yet, a new mask came knocking at my door;
One I had never seen before.
This mask was so convincing
That some could call it “fool proof.”
So I let my guard down,
I let them in…
Only to be
shocked
and dismayed
when that mask fell off.
Again, I said,
“NEVER AGAIN!”

Now I had seen
how cleverly disguised,
how masterfully painted
and beautifully flawless
a mask could be.
I grew wiser again…
Or so I thought.

Then another mask came knocking at my door.
This one was different too.
Real, rare, broken and honest…
Or so I thought.
I had watched this mask for so long,
never willing to cave in
just incase
I would be fooled again.
But the mask remained the same…
Real, rare, broken and honest…
This mask remained so consistent
that I began to think
maybe it was not a mask at all
but rather the heart
that I had been looking at all along.

I would rather have fallen
for a broken heart
that needed love and mending,
than to be fooled again
by the masks I had seen before.

So, I finally let my guard down…
Then the confusion came in:
The inconsistency;
The words that now
didn’t match the actions…
My head and my heart were at war…
wanting to desperately believe
this wasn’t a mask at all…
And was instead
just simply really broken.

One knock after the other;
The confusion piled up…
And so did the evidence.
Yet my head and heart
were still at war…
All because my guard
had already been let down…
I had already let them in.

Then one more
final blow to my heart;
One more piece
of evidence ontop of the pile…
And I couldn’t deny it any longer…
I had been fooled yet again
by another mask;
a new mask…
And even in saying that,
my head and heart
are still at war;
Desperately,
so desperately
wanting to be wrong.

But I had fallen for another mask;
Another new one
that I had never seen before.
I thought I had
fallen in love with a heart,
All while had fallen
in love with a mask…
Yet again.
And again two words,
“NEVER AGAIN!”

The disappointment is so heavy.
My heart is in pieces.
I’m so tired of mending it.
I’ve betrayed my own heart
too many times…
And I’ve betrayed my heart again…
And this time, again, I say,
“NEVER AGAIN!”

No matter who comes knocking at my door,
I will now never answer
because my life has only taught me
that masks are all that people wear.

I will never wear a mask
but i will wear a mask over my heart…
Build a fortress around it;
Protect it;
Guard it…

My heart,
I will never betray you ever again…
All because
I fall in love with masks.
You are too sensitive
and to broken for this world.