Do you ever get those days where your mind is overwhelmed with seemingly endless things but you find yourself utterly speechless? Even mentally speechless? All simply because so much is rushing through your mind, all at once, on so many topics, but at the same time, you can’t catch your breath, to be able to focus, to sift through your thoughts and concentrate long enough to sort them out. Irritating isn’t it? Sometimes, I catch myself completely zoned out in silence and absolutely nothing running through my mind… as if each thought that comes, ends up colliding with another thought, only to cancel both out at the same time. Like utter chaos… and peace, at the same time. I’m an overthinker. In fact, I should get an award for the marathons my mind constantly runs, every single day. So, to be left speechless, with too much on my mind… is, honestly, utterly confusing and irritating. I mean, how can you make sense of things that run through your mind, when they sooner collide with an opposing thought and disappear, before you have actually had a chance to grasp any bit of it? I don’t know if I’m making sense right now? I know I’m rambling. I’m speechless, with too much on my mind… too much to say and nothing to say, all at once.
So what am I thinking? Honestly, it all feels like a blur. Maybe my mind is officially tired or officially overwhelmed because there are too many things happening right now. I guess you could call this “thought cancellation” something similar to self medication… your body’s own personal brand and solution to keep you sane, basically? Or give you a “time out” so you can breathe? Although, as a kid, you were usually told “time out” means, “Go sit in the corner, or in your bedroom, and THINK about what you did!” Maybe then my brain is just overly tired, from overly thinking, about literally everything, and has abruptly decided, “Geeeez… shut up now! You’re even making ME tired!” I wouldn’t be surprised. I mean, I know I drive myself crazy with overthinking, so to have my brain say, “Oh hell no! Not again!” and put me… force me… into this quiet space, would sound logical to me actually. And no amount of forcefully trying to focus, in order to think about anything, works. I’m in a “time out”. My brain’s own personal brand of sedative to tell me to, “Shhhhh….,” now. Irritating. Yet, peaceful. I guess at the end of the day, your own body and mind knows what’s good for you, even if constantly try fight it.