I must admit that I did not expect to be where I am right now. I did not expect to come face-to-face, head on, with the memories and turmoil from my past regarding Cecilia Steyn and the rest of the Krugersdorp Killers. I never expected that I would eventually talk about things that NO ONE knows about – not the public, not the media and not even the investigators. I never expected to feel like my life has become somewhat bombarded, yet again, with things revolving around Cecilia Steyn… at least, this time, it’s from a different “angle” and it’s also, at least, helping me overcome everything I had managed to bury within myself… things I carried from “this past” that I had once lived.

I have spent years speaking to investigators about so much… too much. I have spent hours speaking to the media and people, in general, about it as well. But with everything I had related, I had also withheld SO MUCH at the same time. Why? They were not critical to the case… They were too hard to talk about… I was just not ready. But now… now I had made a promise to myself and others that I will talk about EVERYTHING.

I have been faced with so many questions about all of this, including questions I did not expect as well. And now, with this story becoming more publicized, I cannot seem to go many places where I am not recognized. It is weird and a bit frustrating. I liked going unnoticed and blending into the crowd. A mask, during lockdown, doesn’t seem to do the job properly at going unnoticed… especially after finding out that so many people have searched for me on the internet and social media. *Pulls out a cap and sunglasses, covers head with hoodie and tries to duck the crowd*… that’s what it’s starting to feel like. Weird! I am a nobody. I just merely went through an awful devastating experience… and yes, willing to talk about it too… but wow… *pulls the cap further down*…

At the same time that I’m finding all this attention extremely weird and somewhat ridiculous too… it has also become very encouraging. To hear SO MUCH feedback (in person) about this whole ordeal, including feedback about Leviathan Walks and things I’ve written about on this website… is, in one word: encouraging. I think it’s possibly the ONLY reason that I am pushing myself to write The Best Friend. Writing this book is most definitely far harder than I expected, but I keep going.

I have already broken down sobbing over even just the “lighter things”. I dread the harder memories. I have felt extremely heavy within myself… like a boulder has just dropped onto me, to crush me… the memories and, more so, the things I have NEVER said a word about before are incredibly hard to talk about. BUT I am willing. That’s all I need to be right now because being strong definitely doesn’t seem like an option most times. At least, in opening up about the unspoken memories… including where Cecilia threatened me and tried to kill me WHILE I was best friends with her (yes, you read that right)… it is bringing closure… it has brought breakthroughs and insight on how people can NOW FINALLY understand why we were all so undeniably and completely fooled into all of this. That alone was a massive breakthrough because I had never known how to explain it properly until now.

All I can say is, “Brace yourself!” Because what I am about to let everyone read, is going to be very hard to digest! It is TOO MUCH! In all ways, even for those who weren’t involved…