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EARTH’S GREATEST TREASURE. HEAVEN’S MOST BEAUTIFUL ANGEL.

How do you describe a pain, when there are no words for it? How do you describe a loss, when your mind still wages war trying to make you believe it’s not true? How do you describe the most incredible grandmother that ever existed? You can’t, because the dictionary simply doesn’t have words that are…

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THIS IS FAR HARDER THAN I LET PEOPLE REALIZE

Record. Pause. Heart Racing. Tears welling up. Lump in my throat. Record. Pause. Sobbing my eyes out. Delete… Try again… Talking about all of these things regarding Cecilia Steyn is far harder for me than I let people realize. I could not put it into typed out words, but I thought I would try talk…

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NEVER BE ASHAMED OF A SCAR

NEVER BE ASHAMED OF A SCAR. IT SIMPLY MEANS THAT YOU WERE STRONGER THAN WHAT TRIED TO HURT YOU. Yes, this is a photograph of my arm. I’m not oblivious to the looks I get when people see it. Akward stares; thoughts racing through their minds. At first, I felt so ashamed. I knew what…

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THE KRUGERSDORP KILLERS. REALITY CHECK.

This story about the Krugersdorp Killers seems to be a never ending part of my life. I was part of this story for 4 years. Escaped and helped investigators for the next 9 or so years… over an entire decade, seemingly “dedicated” to things revolving around Cecilia Steyn. When the case was closed and the…

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NEW YEAR. REBOOT.

It’s finally 2021. New Year. Time for a reboot. 2020 brought many tremendous challenges for everyone. Most people are doubting and fearful of what 2021 will bring after what last year encompassed. For me, yes, 2020 had incredible challenges BUT it was actually and, in all honesty, the best year of my life so far.…

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GOD & THE BIZARRE

So early hours of the morning… as it usually happens… inspiration hit. I have to write ANOTHER book, while I am still busy with one (The Best Friend). I even woke up with the Book Title: “God & The Bizzare“. Yes, odd title… but VERY fitting. It’s been told to me repeatedly for years now,…

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MY PHONE CALL FROM GOD

Wow. Let me start by saying that God hears EVERY word… EVEN when you don’t say anything at all… For the last several days, adding to the months prior, I have been bombarded with thoughts… confusion… questions… wondering… hoping… insights… and more. My mind has been flooded with TOO much… about TOO much. My mind…

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PICKING UP THE PIECES

Admittedly, I am still very numb from the incredible knock and shattered hope I received just two days ago. I am both at war with pain and peace… broken dreams and hope… and things I don’t have words for. But now, now I have to force myself to get up, dust myself off and carry…

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SHATTERED IN THE MOON LIGHT

I don’t even know where to begin, except to say that I am utterly broken… and confused… so confused. I can’t hide behind a wall right now… I can’t distance myself from the emotions… this is very real. I am shattered beyond belief. For several months now, I had hung onto hope… I even DARED…

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THE REPORTER AND THE SCANDAL

I have only just discovered Marizka Coetzer’s book, Outcast / Uitgewerp, regarding her relationship with Le Roux Steyn. I had heard about this scandal during the latter days of the Krugersdorp Killer’s court case but amongst all the reporters I had met, I did not know who this rumor was about, nor was I going…

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VOICES IN HIDING

I am utterly speechless… no words! Goosebumps! Floored! Wow! Over the last number of weeks, being flooded with people reaching out to me because of my book Leviathan Walks AND The Best Friend, I had never expected this to happen… I have been receiving message after message from those who used to be part of…

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BROKENNESS

Last night I was broken beyond belief… beyond words… beyond any actions that could be done to fix it… helpless… lost… Last night I watched one of the strongest people I have ever known become completely and utterly broken. What I walked into, I don’t think anything could have ever prepared for me for. I…

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PANDORA’S BOX

I know I had recently said that it feels like I have opened Pandora’s Box when I started the audio recordings for The Best Friend… but I am starting to realize, only now, how true this is. Everything is connected. Dot to dot, the mindmap leads to so much more than I realized. Too much……

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WHO AM I?

I am so thankful to those people who sent so many messages, telling me that they can wholeheartedly relate to what I had written in my Book, Misunderstood. Even though I aim to let others know that they are not alone, the feedback received also, in turn, made me feel like I am also not…

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LONER. A CORE REASON.

To sum this up, 3 words: “people scare me”. In the last while, since my post Good At Being A Loner, I felt like I should give a more “rounded” answer to this topic because I don’t like giving “half answers”… especially when wrong assumptions are made and I seem to sound “somewhat” of “something”…

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NIGHTMARES

“To sleep or not to sleep”… that is my question lately, and more so as each day passes. I am UTTERLY exhausted! But each time I close my eyes, I don’t drift off into dreamland… I get rudely sucked into a vortex of intensely graphic nightmares… all night long. Waking up on the hour, every…

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BATTLING

To be honest… I am battling. Horribly. Terribly… and yet I know it’s still going to get much harder too. In these last few days, I find myself grasping for strength to carry on with The Best Friend. Since I had started this book, wounds feel like they are being ripped open. I had never…

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UNSPOKEN SECRETS OF THE PAST

I must admit that I did not expect to be where I am right now. I did not expect to come face-to-face, head on, with the memories and turmoil from my past regarding Cecilia Steyn and the rest of the Krugersdorp Killers. I never expected that I would eventually talk about things that NO ONE…

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WHAT HAPPENED?

What happened to common decency? What happened to being truthful? What happened to dignity and respect? What happened to “do unto others as you would have them done unto you”? Is it all just fictional or fantasy stories that we talk about but none of it really seems to exist on this planet? It’s just…

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IS IT TIME TO MOVE?

My mind is busy today, yet often I find that I am thinking about nothing altogether as well. It’s just one of those days I guess and I am utterly exhausted too, but the one thing that keeps crossing my mind, as it does every month, is thoughts on moving… For several years now, I…

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