I officially have to voice the “weirdness” of this… since doing podcasts and since Devilsdorp aired July 2021, I had gotten used to seeing a certain number of viewers/listeners daily and from certain countries too. It was too predictable… every day. BUT then… from around 8pm 31 Dec 2021… jaw drop! There was a MASSIVE influx of visitors/listeners on my website and even from cities across the globe that I had not seen pop up yet. It’s persistently still happening. What happened? Why this insane peak all of a sudden?
Added to this (and before I saw my website stats), early morning of the 1st, I had 2 dreams of Cecilia Steyn and EVERYTHING else involved and that is still going on… to the point where I was even crying in the dream. I honestly had more dreams about all of this in Dec than I had the whole of 2021.
Added again, newer people were suddenly approaching me about this topic towards the end of Dec as well… some… too many… even saying, “Brace yourself.”
Added again, the last 3 days of Dec, I felt like I was going to “almost explode” about everything that’s going on. Just get it all out on the table and let the world know. An utterly DESPERATE explosion so the world knows the FULL truth. Then… deep breath… put the lid on… and repeat the “almost explosion” again.
I’m finding it too weird that I haven’t been able to shake this feeling… and it’s getting more intensified daily… What on earth is lying ahead? I know what it is but after such a long time, with things being a certain way, it all feels too surreal… or it’s just too much for my mind to comprehend. Either, or.
I don’t know what to say most days any more because I’ve felt utterly confused, lost, hopeless, overwhelmed, and completely worn out and broken.
I’ve been at a crossroad. I’ve made my decision. Overthinking has made this decision even more solidly immovable. So, whatever lies ahead… I’m ready.